Let’s be honest. The type of affection that we see in movies, TV shows, and other pop culture references is typically hetero-normative. From chick flicks to buddy comedies, male-female relationships are often portrayed as being the ultimate example of love and intimacy. After all, they say that you don’t know what love is until you meet your special someone and fall madly in love with them. Right? Well… maybe not so much. Let’s be honest again. When we see a male character hugging another male character or giving him a kiss on the cheek; it doesn’t typically have the same connotations as when we see a female character doing the same thing to her partner. It’s not necessarily because there is something inherently wrong with being gay or that anything about this topic is taboo or unappealing. Rather, it seems to stem from our social conditioning . . .

Male-female relationships are almost always portrayed as being the physical ideal in Western culture. When we see two people in a romantic relationship that are of the opposite sex, it’s easy to assume that they are in love with each other. After all, it’s what we’ve been conditioned to expect from the moment that we are able to comprehend the concept of love. This isn’t to say that there aren’t gay people who are in committed, long-term relationships. There certainly are, but they often don’t get the same cultural recognition. In fact, a lot of times we don’t even know that they are gay couples. After all, we generally don’t look at a male celebrity or public figure who has a male partner and assume that it’s a gay relationship. Rather, we assume that they are just good friends who enjoy being around one another.

Because we don’t associate male-male affection with romance, it can also be perceived as being humorous. After all, two guys in a committed relationship (no matter what type of relationship that may be) shouldn’t be showing each other that much physical affection, right? Well, maybe not, but depending on the context in which we see it, we may inadvertently label it as being comical. For example, we commonly see this type of affection in movies and TV shows when it comes to gay men. Sure, there are the occasional shows that treat the gay male relationship with the same level of normalcy as they would a male-female relationship, but they are few and far between. Instead, we often see gay characters using physical affection as a form of comedic relief. Similarly, we often see gay men as being sex objects who exist solely to satisfy a (male) audience’s voyeuristic curiosity. And while these things are not inherently bad, they are definitely one-dimensional and they fail to show the nuances, complexities, and complexities of gay affection.

Most people who are in a committed romantic relationship want to show their significant other that they love them. In other words, affection is a very normal and healthy part of a loving relationship. However, affection between two men is often viewed as being taboo. On the other hand, we often celebrate two people in a committed romantic relationship who are of the opposite sex for showing affection for each other. After all, we view it as being a sign that they are truly in love and committed to one another.

When we see affection between a (male) celebrity or public figure and his significant other, we often have the inclination to view that person as being attractive or even being a sex object. After all, we don’t often see affection expressed between two men as something that is done out of genuine love or intimacy. Rather, it seems to be done for the sole purpose of satisfying a voyeuristic curiosity.

As you can see, the difference between affection between two gay men and a male-female couple is night and day. While the latter is celebrated by society and viewed as being an ultimate expression of love and devotion, the former is often shamed and viewed as being a form of comic relief or as a way to appeal to a certain subset of the audience. While it is admirable that we are seeing more LGBTQ+ representation in our media, let’s make sure to use it as an opportunity to learn more about a group of people that are often misunderstood and misrepresented by pop culture.