What’s the first thought that comes to mind when another guy casually mentions he’s “bi?” Depending on your own sexual orientation your answer might range from anticipation to outright panic, or to anger. In general, bisexual males often get a bad rap from other guys. 

Straight guys in the U.S. are overwhelmingly uncomfortable about almost any physical contact with another guy, setting aside the slap on the ass in sports or an A-frame hug (no touching of body parts) with a friend or family member. Discovering a male co-worker or friend is bisexual opens the door to a world not acceptable in the minds of those who insist on a strict two-gender concept of sexuality. 

On the other end of the male sexuality spectrum, there are plenty of gay men who think the guy who identifies as bi is just fooling himself or too chicken to come out. In spite of his orientation being represented in the “B” of the LGBTQI+ community’s acronym, bisexual men are often considered fence-sitters in the bedroom. This creates a dynamic where many bi guys don’t feel supported, accepted, or included in either the straight or the gay communities. 

Bisexuals have been trying to explain to us for ages what the younger generations of the 21st century naturally embrace: gender fluidity. This group is showing us the way to full self-expression through the way they dress, the careers they choose, and yes, the people with whom they have sex and develop relationships. It doesn’t mean all guys should be bi, but we can at least acknowledge without judgment that some of us are. 

Accepting people for who they are is easier to do if we are secure in our own sexual expression. Giving another man a warm hug, cuddling up to watch a movie together, or even kissing when we greet doesn’t “make us gay,” bi, or appear less than a “real man.” What it shows is that we are human, unashamed of our own sexual orientation, and secure enough in openly showing affection with another man. In this regard, the bi guys have a lot to teach some of us.