Towards Mindful Masturbation
How much do you recognize yourself in any of these descriptions of masturbation:
“I do it to relieve tension, like scratching an itch”,
“I know what I like and I like what I know”,
“I find it hard to get aroused without porn or fantasy”
There’s probably not an adult person in the world who hasn’t at least tried masturbation, but most of us have gotten used to a very functional version of it, usually limited by secrecy.
And most of us don’t talk about it in any meaningful way either. When was the last time you shared with anyone how you turn yourself on, what you do, and why you do it?
Do you remember your masturbation classes?
Probably not! There’s very little education around masturbation, and often what we are taught is that it’s shameful.
So, from an early age a lot of people develop masturbation habits based on speed, silence and restricted movement, in order to get as quickly as possible to ejaculation or genital orgasm – which is considered to be the goal.
But what most people don’t realise is that the fullest experience of orgasm requires integration and freedom of movement, sound and breath, as well as tactile stimulation. So if what you do only focusses on you touching your genitals it’s unlikely you’re going to get the most enjoyment possible.
Which might explain why so many people also struggle to find real pleasure in sexual interactions with a partner.
Change your patterns
The good news is: even if your neural pathways may have become stuck in patterns which don’t really provide you with authentic pleasure (or any pleasure at all), it’s possible to change this by becoming more mindful with your masturbation.
You can learn to respond to what you’re really feeling in your body rather than what convention, or the media, tell you that you ought to find arousing.
Mindful masturbation is a conscious practice – in a similar way to the practice of mindful meditation, or yoga – an opportunity to really spend time focusing on your body, without judgement, first and foremost.
So what’s involved?
Most importantly you need to listen to your body, and forget about what you ‘think you know’ about it – either good or bad.
Mindful masturbation practice is a chance for you to explore beyond imposed limits, with curiosity and without judgement… to see what your body can tell you about yourself.
In order to do this effectively it helps to set aside dedicated time, space, and an intention for the session (and this is where having a coach to support you can make a real difference).
It’s not about fancy techniques – it’s about exploring and embracing the freedom in your own pleasure – however that shows up!
Because there’s no right or wrong way to masturbate. Every body is different. And each experience can be completely different.
Why try mindful masturbation?
If you’re looking to make positive changes in your sex life, mindful masturbation is a great place to start. After all, you need to understand what you find pleasurable in your own body first in order to communicate that to a partner.
There can be huge benefits to putting aside specific goals, outcomes, or expectations for pleasure, and simply spending time bringing deep focus and awareness to how your body feels – moment to moment.
For most people it’s an opportunity to learn about their body in a way that they’ve never had the chance, or taken the time to before.
Mindful masturbation can also help you if you’re fed-up with experiencing numbness in your body or genitals, if you’re struggling with porn and fantasy, or if you’re afraid to trust your own body in intimate partner situations.
Ultimately, re-framing masturbation as self-pleasure is about changing your whole approach to self-care, and it’s the perfect opportunity to learn how to build a deeper relationship with your authentic self.